God is pursuing a relationship with you. He desires to be with you. Think about that. Your response to that reality tells a lot about your relationship with God. Maybe you think He wouldn’t want anything to do with you. Or maybe you believe that you already know Him, so He is no longer pursuing you. Does this describe you?
I believe that at the very core of who I am, I reject the idea that God is a lover who longs for a deepening relationship with me. I think there is no way someone could be that sold out for me. Especially God, who obviously has a lot of things on His plate. All of us deeply desire to be loved (yes, even us guys). But I am afraid of what might happen if I leave myself open. I will do anything to get noticed by someone who might love me. At the same time I live under the fear that if anyone honestly knew me, they would realize I was unlovable. I expend a great deal of effort to make sure I keep up appearances, even around those I am closest to. I only let people in so close, because if I were totally naked before them, they would probably decide this relationship is not a good idea.
I carry this fear into my relationship with God. If He really knew me, He would drop me like a hot potato. Here’s a news flash. He knows all about me. He knows me intimately. He knows what my heart is really like. He is quite aware of what I do when no one is looking. He is not blind to what I am thinking on the inside when I am smiling on the outside. None of this escapes His notice.
How precious it is, Lord, to realize that you are thinking about me constantly! I can't even count how many times a day your thoughts turn toward me. And when I waken in the morning, you are still thinking of me! Ps 139:17 TLB
He loves me, not because of who I am, but in spite of who I am. Did you catch that? God’s love for me is based completely on His character and not on mine. This is so foreign to my experience in this life. I become driven by my warped concept of being lovable. But the truth is that I can never make myself lovable when it comes to God.
… all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Rom 3:23
God’s love for me is self-generated. He does not decide to love me because I represent myself in a certain way. He chooses to love me simply based on who He is and His desire to have a relationship with me.
But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Rom 5:8
I am an open book before God. He knows me intimately, yet loves me deeply. This kind of love scares me. It is brutally honest. There is no way to hide anything, to put on an act or to do my “I’ve got it all together” dance.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the Heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. Ps 139:7-12
Think about that for a minute. God is not asking me to be transparent with Him—He is telling me that I already am!
I find this terrifying. I don’t have any control. I am unable to make God love me. This puts the ball completely in His court. I have to trust Him to keep His end of the relationship, even when He knows who I really am. As ridiculous as it sounds when I actually put it down on paper, I am hard-pressed to believe that He will always love me no matter what. Surely there is something I could do to seal the deal.
God loves you with passion and purpose. Are you willing to accept His pursuing love? Your response to that question will not change God, but could profoundly change you. Are you willing?